MikeS
Registered: 03/20/04
Posts: 3,940
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Posted 01/13/08
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#1
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Suggestions or edits?
Outlook can create an address book to manage mass mailings.
Dear Coach XXXX,
I am a student-athlete at xxx High School in XXX,Xx
I am considering applying to XXXXX University. My reasons for selecting your school are:
1.xxxx
2.xxxx
3.xxxx
I am also interested in participating in your soccer program.
I will be playing at various tournaments with my club team, xxxx,in the upcoming year. They are:
xxx at xxx
xxx at xxx
I would also be interested in any camps you might have this summer.
Your response would be welcome.
Thanks,
xxxx xxxx
INSERT "Action" PHOTO
Full resume attached with High School and Club contacts.
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Allez_Arsenal
Registered: 05/05/04
Posts: 1,100
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Posted 01/13/08
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#2
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I am sure that you just have a rough outline there. But I would do something different than "I want to play here because....." over and over again.
AA
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MikeS
Registered: 03/20/04
Posts: 3,940
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Posted 01/13/08
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#3
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Allez,
The 1,2,3, reasons for applying would all be academic in nature. Size of school, academic reputation of the college, location etc.
But, you might have a valid criticism. Bullet points might look too "adult" for a kid to write.
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paulee
Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7,023
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Posted 01/13/08
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#4
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Mike, I know it's a form letter, and still a rough draft, but I'd personalize it a little bit more, it reads like a memo.
Maybe "I'm playing in these tournaments, and I was hoping that you'd be able to come and watch me play."
Like Allez pointed out, it doesn't really look like something that a teenager had written.
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Allez_Arsenal
Registered: 05/05/04
Posts: 1,100
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Posted 01/13/08
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#5
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I would write it as you would write an academic paper.
Have a main idea to your paragraph, then back it up with solid evidence....but do it in a well writen way, I don't think the bullets would work.
But that is just me
AA
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eltoro
Registered: 01/16/05
Posts: 242
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Posted 01/13/08
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#6
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I would look at it as a job search type letter. The recipient usually knows when you've prepared a mass letter and, although it is easier for us, it is still better to personalize it to let the recipient know you've done your research, this is truly a school you would like to attend, and you've taken the time to write them a thought out letter. When I was job searching, I would rewrite my cover letter every time to make sure it was personalized to the job and the recipient.
Maybe say things like, "Congratulations on your league championship." or "I have watched the program with interest since you took over in 2004."
Another thing you might want to add is to ask the coach what tournaments they will attend with a self-address envelope included. At the least, you might get a return letter saying, "Our staff will be here, here, and here." Then you can guest at those tournaments to try to get in front of them.
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Devistator16
Registered: 08/03/04
Posts: 2,486
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Posted 01/14/08
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#7
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It needs to be in paragraph form
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JohnR
Registered: 03/24/04
Posts: 6,793
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Posted 01/14/08
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#8
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Quote: Originally Posted by eltoro
Then you can guest at those tournaments to try to get in front of them. Guest?
I never heard of anybody at our club guesting for another team. I can't believe that it would be permitted. On topic, that's right, personalize the letter. If I receive a letter from the applicant, I want to get a sense that he/she has selected our company for a reason, and has done a bit of homework on the subject. I would be higherly unlikely to contact a candidate who does not personalize the letter.
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eltoro
Registered: 01/16/05
Posts: 242
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Posted 01/14/08
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#9
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Quote: Originally Posted by JohnRQuote: Originally Posted by eltoro
Then you can guest at those tournaments to try to get in front of them. Guest?
I never heard of anybody at our club guesting for another team. I can't believe that it would be permitted.
Happens all the time. If your team is not going to a particular tournament, let them play with someone else who might need players. Some tournaments even have a database of players available if a team needs to add a body or two.
Just this past weekend, we used a guest GK, who was on the second team of another club, because ours could not attend. Oddly enough, we ended up playing the first team from her club. I had contacted her coach and the DOC prior to inviting her, so it was all cleared. Normally, we try to take guest players from within our own club, but we had no GKs available, in this case.
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mcyokeeper
Registered: 09/28/06
Posts: 398
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Posted 01/14/08
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#10
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Quote: Originally Posted by eltoroQuote: Originally Posted by JohnRQuote: Originally Posted by eltoro
Then you can guest at those tournaments to try to get in front of them. Guest?
I never heard of anybody at our club guesting for another team. I can't believe that it would be permitted.
Happens all the time. If your team is not going to a particular tournament, let them play with someone else who might need players. Some tournaments even have a database of players available if a team needs to add a body or two.
Just this past weekend, we used a guest GK, who was on the second team of another club, because ours could not attend. Oddly enough, we ended up playing the first team from her club. I had contacted her coach and the DOC prior to inviting her, so it was all cleared. Normally, we try to take guest players from within our own club, but we had no GKs available, in this case.
Eltoro,
How did you guys do in Ft. wayne?
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JohnR
Registered: 03/24/04
Posts: 6,793
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Posted 01/14/08
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#11
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Quote: Originally Posted by eltoro
Happens all the time.
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coach_ed
Registered: 03/08/07
Posts: 80
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Posted 01/14/08
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#12
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You definitely have to personalize it a bit more by mentioning something about the college's program (records, wins, new facilities, welcoming a new coach, anything to show that you've done a little homework).
Now, do you really need to pay a recruiting service to do this for you?
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eltoro
Registered: 01/16/05
Posts: 242
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Posted 01/14/08
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#13
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Quote: Originally Posted by mcyokeeper
Eltoro,
How did you guys do in Ft. wayne?
We did all right. We had some trouble scoring. Had a few players who haven't been coming to winter training, so their touch was spotty. Had a girl that hasn't played in almost a year due to foot surgery just return this weekend, so we had some good possession play, but also had some break downs in certain areas. We lost our 1st game 1-0. An even game where they finished one of their chances and we did not. Lost our 2nd 3-0 to one of the best teams in the region that had 3 phenomenal center mids and we couldn't match their speed of play when they attacked in transition. These 3 girls had unbelievable touch and composure with the ball and were able to get our defense (which is usually our strength) all out of sorts at times. Won our last game 1-0. One of those where you dominate possession and just don't finish. Should have been 3 or 4-0, but regardless, good play otherwise. So, I came away happy in some areas, disappointed in others, but have a lot of things to focus on during the remaining winter training.
BTW, did you go upstairs to watch any. The parents told me about the view from above, so we videotaped our 2nd and 3rd games from up there. I also had my team arrive early prior to our 3rd game and watch about half of the team that picked us apart play from above and see their shape and ball movement. I haven't seen the tapes yet, but they should be interesting.
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mcyokeeper
Registered: 09/28/06
Posts: 398
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Posted 01/14/08
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#14
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Ya, my parents told me the same thing about the view from up there. We didn't have a video camera, but that is something I would like to do next year for sure.
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Mishigas
Registered: 09/07/06
Posts: 100
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Posted 01/15/08
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#15
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Make it look a lot less like a form.
My kid wrote personal e-mails to coaches who were attending a tournament he was going to. Put ion his yeam, schedule, field location. jersey number. Attached a copy of his profile from his club web site. Got some great responses.
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